I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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