Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
