Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
