mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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