why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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