Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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