It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
