Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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