Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
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Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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