I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
