grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
