I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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