I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
