you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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