Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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