Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
