Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
