??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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