sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Drunk is not a location!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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