What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
