Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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