He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
