No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
