hotel room ftw
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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