out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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