nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
