Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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