Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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