The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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