i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
