one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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