I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize