Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
