ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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