addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
