I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
