If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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