Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
