I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
