Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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