Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
