whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
