i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
