You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
