I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
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