why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
