dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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