I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
