operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
