Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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