You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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