Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
