don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize