everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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