dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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