Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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