You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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