I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
