I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
