just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
worst night to have a conscience
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
