What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize