Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
