just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
farters have to be the big spoon...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
