I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Randomize
