Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
