Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize