So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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